A day in the life

In case you were wondering – and let’s face it, you totally were – this is what happened to me today.


I passed a weird house with a becandled shrine to a record album in its front garden.

A cow skull presided over the whole thing.


I passed a couple of minstrels sitting on a park bench. One played a saw with a violin bow. The other accompanied on a ukulele. They were taking themselves very seriously.

After that

I viewed this terrace house for rent.

Looks nice, right? But the savvy renter knows to be suspicious at the absence of kitchen and bathroom photos. I and 30 other viewers quickly discovered that the kitchen was itself a circle of hell, with its laundry sink masquerading as a regular sink, tiny stove shoved into a bricked up fireplace, and conspicuous lack of cabinets. It could be described as ‘rustic,’ if you were feeling kind. Another word that springs to mind is ‘scary.’

And the bathroom? Outside. That’s right, for the low, low price of $495 a week, you could have the unique privilege of going outside every time you have to pee or brush your teeth. Like some kind of new millennium frontiersperson.

What'd you do today?