Look at stupid Jessica Alba and her stupid perfect hair. She probably has a team of stylists chasing her around with a round brush and hairdryer to make her look perfect and make the rest of us feel bad. What a cheater.
How should normal people beat the frizz? What do we do on days when the humid air and misty rain conspire to make us look like Encino Man?
I have a three-part program which I follow each summer, and how I transition between the three parts is linked to how hot it is, and how long it's been summer. At the beginning of the season, I have lots of fight in me, but as the hot weather gets hotter, my energy flags and I surrender, convincing myself that Encino Man is quite a stylish specimen.
In which you try to force your hair to behave like that shine on your forehead is because of a dewy complexion, not sweat.
Dry your hair with a round brush, pointing the hairdryer downwards so no baby hairs rear their evil, frizzy heads. Rub a small blob of straightening balm in your palms and lightly run your hands through your hair before flat ironing. Bumble and Bumble make an excellent stratighening product called, funnily enough, Straight, but it's pretty heavy, and it makes my hair oily (but still straight, yay!) by the end of the day. If you must go outside, tie a silk scarf over your head until you're safely in an air-conditioned environment.
In which you change tack and embrace your hair's natural waves and curls.
Get a diffuser attachment (one of these scary-looking things) for your hairdryer. In the shower, use a thick conditioner and a wide-toothed comb to comb out tangles. Once you're out of the shower, don't towel-dry or comb your hair. Just squeeze it with a towel to get the water out. Scrunch some mousse in, encouraging curls, and then hold your head upside down while you use the diffuser to dry your hair. Try not to move around too much; the diffuser will do the work, circulating the air around your hair, making nice, smooth curls. Don't under any circumstances brush or comb your curly hair once it's dry or you'll turn into a Fraggle, and no one will be able to save you.
In which you get tired of battling the elements and you throw your hair up into a messy, and actually pretty cool-looking, bun.
When it comes to hair, sometimes you just can't win. I bet even Jessica Alba has bad hair days, and I suppose for each bad hair day, a poor, hapless assistant gets fired. This website shows a few examples of good messy buns. Don't get discouraged by the fact that we've come full circle looking at people with impossibly perfect hair. Jessica Alba cheats by employing a team of stylists, the bun woman cheats by having good genes, but regardless of all that, you can achieve a messy bun and look fabulous until winter, when I'll have a whole slew of new things to complain about.