Sometimes I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm a tomboy in a pretty dress, and my nails - chewed, uneven, sometimes polished but always chipped - are my disguise's undoing. From afar I look well put together, but upon closer inspection, I'm still just the kid whose knee socks were always falling down at school.
I so envy those girls who, from head to toe, look like they've been buffed. They have fabulous shiny hair, they can wear lipstick all day and all night, and they have long, elegant talons. So sexy, so perfect, so eagley.
Since resolutions are the thing around this time of year, not to mention the fact that nail art has entered the realm of cool, maybe it's time to start taking care of my nails. I'll put a trendy mason jar on the counter to save up for manicures, and I'll quit biting my nails. For fabulous inspiration, let's look to the abundance of the internet. It always knows what to do.
Square, short nails
We'll start easy with a subdued nude for every day.
But subdued can be boring, so here are some crazy jewel tones for when you're rummaging through you trunk of shiny pirate booty.
And here's a classic, deep burgundy to go with all those enormous diamond rings you have.
Long, villainous, almond-shaped nails
To keep up these nails, you have to have a seriously fancy life. Servants probably carry you around in a sedan chair, and you definitely never have to open a jar or type anything.
Karla Deras of Karla's Closet fame is the ultimate when it comes to perfect almond nails. She must have found a way around the typing thing, or maybe *gasp* her nails are removable. Removable nails would solve life's myriad problems. Quick, to the patent office!
Then there are the nails that you think would be such a great idea to try at home. So you buy all the kit, spend an evening in front of the TV half following YouTube tutorials, half watching the Carrie Diaries, only to end up with nails that look like they've been painted with dried-up White Out.
Here are some people who do it right:
If you've got the steady hands of an artist, I dug up some cool at-home nail art kits for you to try.
But if you're like me and DIY beauty is a constant source of disappointment, maybe empty out that mason jar and go find yourself a skilled manicure lady.